


For the Best

by perfectcosima



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2529008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectcosima/pseuds/perfectcosima





	1. Leaving

Carmilla waited until the dead of the night to leave, silently packing her things into her impossibly heavy duffel bag. It took her longer than it should have, she found herself dragging along, wishing that she didn't have to leave this impossibly perfect moment.

Then there was only one thing left to pack, something that she couldn't survive without. She walked up to the bed opposite her own, judging how to best extricate the bright yellow pillow from the tiny girl's grasp. She gently lifted Laura's right arm up and laid it on her leg, then slowly pulled the pillow out, quickly stuffing it into her bag.

"Au revior, sweetheart," she murmured quietly, covering Laura with her blanket before running out the door, leaving before she could change her mind.

* * *

"Morning Carm."

"Carmilla?"

" _Carmilla?!"_

Laura didn't really expect a reply to her morning call, knowing that her nocturnal roommate would probably be sleeping. However her missing yellow pillow and the perfectly made bed on the other side of the room awakened her deepest fears, ones of betrayal, ones of abandonment. Ones that she hadn't really felt since her mother left.

The note that she found on the pillow covered by her shirt was the last straw, and she broke down, all her bravery and reserve falling apart as she curled up on the other girl's bed and sobbed.

_It's for the best._

_I love you._

_~ Carmilla_


	2. Returning

_Fall Semester 2047_

Carmilla had sworn that she would never return to the place where she had broken her own heart, but food was getting scarcer and scarcer, and she knew that mommy dearest would never let the well of good blood that was Silas University run dry. People had been getting craftier, eating garlic, wearing charms. So many foreign chemicals in the blood that it was hard to get a meal that was untainted. So she returned, shoving her pride away for a food supply.

She dragged in her duffel bag, yellow pillow on top, its case now well worn and ragged. The last person that she expected to see at Silas was sitting there at the computer, like no time at all had passed.

"Laura?" she breathed, mouth dry. There was no way. She must have had a child and now the child had come to Silas, but it seemed so real, and when she turned around, there was no mistaking it, the marks of her passion on the left side of her neck, and old scars on the right in a pattern that Carmilla recognized instantly, but disbelieved to be real.

"So the prodigal daughter returns," Laura said, her voice oddly devoid of emotion. "You have no idea the shit I've heard about you while you've been gone. Apparently Mother had so many problems with you that she was relieved when you left."

"Mother?" Carmilla was horrified, although she had suspected from the fang marks, she had hoped that she was wrong, hoped that there was some other explanation. "Sweetheart, why did you join them? You tried so hard to find the girls, to help them, and then you just join up with the people who were taking them? I don't understand..."

Laura's composure cracked.

"Do  _not_ call me sweetheart," she spat venomously, approaching Carmilla. "You lost the right to that particular nickname long ago,  _cutie_. You know what? I waited. I waited for weeks for you to come back. Then you didn't and I realized that there was no point. Everyone leaves. What's the point of helping girls when they just get thrown into a world that's going to chew them to pieces? I'm fast and I'm strong, and I'm loved. Mother and Will won't ever leave me, Carmilla? Do you know that? I have a family. A real family, and I have the chance to make girls a part of that family too. That's something that you never really understood. You and your twisted, idealistic views of things like true love. Well, it's bullshit. Love is people that don't leave, that stand beside you and fight instead of running away. It disgusts me to think that I was once like you. Now go see mother and get a new roommate before I take care of you myself."

"Laura-"

"I said  **get out**!"

Carmilla lowered her gaze, her shoulders slumped defeatedly as she went out the door, leaving her belongings behind on her old bed.

 


	3. Crying

Carmilla went outside and sat on the edge of the fountain, tears slowly filling her eyes until she was sobbing, sobbing like she hadn't since thirty-three years before, when she had last left that room.

"I did this," she mumbled to herself in disbelief, running her sleeve over her eyes to wipe away the tears. "I left her, and they did this to her. I abandoned her, and she doesn't love me anymore." She began to cry even harder. "She loved me back."

* * *

Laura let out a heavy breath, all of the emotions that she had pushed down for the past three decades welling up inside her. How dare that vampire come back here, how dare she trespass on her territory. How dare she still look incredible in those skin-tight leather pants. She didn't have time to deal with this. She had work to do. Mother would have to set up another girl for her to capture, one with fresh blood, and without years of baggage. She would run Carmilla out of town if she had to. She would destroy her.

She was turning around to leave when she spotted it, the yellow pillow, ragged and coming apart at the seams. Her anger burst out in a primal scream as she grabbed it, punching and tearing at it like she wished that she could to its owner. How dare that stupid vampire not move on. Laura had moved on. She had been fine without her, without her protection. She had been happy. Why couldn't that girl just have let her be happy? Why did she have to change things?

A tiny tear leaked out of the corner of her eyes, but she shook it away determinedly, taking to heart one of the lessons that she had learned from Carmilla so many years ago.

"Vampires don't cry."


	4. Pleading

Carmilla sat there for hours, the light spray from the fountain slowly soaking her, the cold breeze freezing her to the bone. She had left to save the girl she loved, but she hadn't saved her. She had put her in danger, and now Laura hated her. How could she make her understand that this wasn't what she wanted. This was never what she wanted. All she wanted was for Laura to be safe. Everything else came after that. She wasn't safe with their mother. No matter what Laura believed, no matter what weakness the dean had preyed on, she didn't belong with them. She belonged with Carmilla, belonged with her father, belonged with people who truly loved her and cared about her.

Carmilla knew that she couldn't do as Laura had asked. Mother would skin her alive, or maybe even stake her this time. There had to be a different way, but she sure as hell couldn't think of one. She grabbed the tiny flask of blood from her pocket, swigging it back like a drunk, but finding that there was nothing left there. Her tongue traced the shiny clean metal mouthpiece, desperately searching for one last drop to fill the void inside her soul.

Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, the thunder began, and the rain poured down, drenching her in a downpour that mingled with her tears.

She showed up at Laura's door, helpless and hating it. Knocking hesitantly, she steeled herself for accusations and rejection.

* * *

Laura could've cursed that vampire for days, but she'd have made better use of her time cursing her own willpower. When Carmilla showed up, pleading for a place to stay, just for the night, she just couldn't turn her away, letting her in. She didn't acknowledge the brunette's stricken expression at the sight of her precious pillow, didn't show that she noticed when the other girl scooped it up and pulled it to her chest, burying her face in it to hide her tears.

They lay there for hours in silence, neither of them asleep, but neither of them willing to start a conversation.

Finally Carmilla broke, her bloodlust forcing her into the position that she hated most, the one of a weakling, of a beggar.

"Laura." She began, her voice an almost silent purr that sent a shiver running up Laura's spine, the voice that haunted her dreams, that she had never forgotten, even after all these years. "Do you... could I... I'm really hungry." The longing in her voice was something that Laura was familiar with, both as an emotion, and as had previously been directed toward her, about her. Her human fragility was something that she rarely dwelled upon, but then again, she rarely was in bed this late at night, preferring instead to hunt, rather than being suffocated by the setting where her pain was raw, where she couldn't hide from herself. It was her choice to blame her feelings on this setting than the girl just feet away, blaming five years of separation by choice rather than thirty three of abandonment. She shook off her thoughts, finally replying to Carmilla's statement a few minutes later, just when Carmilla had begun to think that she hadn't been heard.

"Mini fridge," her voice broke slightly after those first two words, "soy milk container."

She could hear Carmilla's faint footsteps on the floor, then the creaking of the fridge, and soft glow of the small light.

Carmilla practically inhaled the blood from the mug that she had poured it into, the sound of her swallowing audible to Laura, who tried her best to ignore it, ignore all of her movements, but she couldn't. Carmilla then returned to bed, her movements much more languid, peaceful.

"How long?" Laura asked, unable to escape her innate curiosity.

"Umm, maybe ten hours?" Carmilla replied, licking her lips to get every drop of blood off of them. "Ten days since I've had more than maybe half a cup a day, weeks since my last real feed."

Laura's eyebrows rose. The last time she had seen Carmilla, she had only made it ten days without blood before convulsing, now she was able to look healthy on just ounces of blood a day.

"You get used to it," Carmilla replied to the unasked question, sitting up suddenly and looking over at Laura. "Starving, I mean. Your body adapts."

Laura mimicked her position, pulling herself upward so that her feet were tucked under her, with her back against the wall.

"Was it... hard?"

Laura was stunned by the fierceness of Carmilla's gaze when it met her own.

"Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done," Carmilla replied, her voice husky with emotion. "Starving? That was nothing. Absolutely nothing, creampuff." She fell back into her old adage of nicknames, but this time Laura couldn't be offended, the intensity of Carmilla's tone nullifying the familiarity of the words. "I would starve myself another hundred years over to go back and change what I did. I never wanted it to end up like this. I would have stayed forever if I had known that you would go and get yourself turned without me there, you  _stupid, beautiful dork_. I would sacrifice it all for you. Don't you understand that I already did? So yeah, starving myself was hard. But it's in no way the hardest thing I've ever done, you hear me? It's incomparable." With that, Carmilla lay back down, facing the wall.

Laura sat there in a shocked silence before getting up and going to the bathroom, putting down the lid of the toilet and perching upon it, resting her head in her hands. She had never really thought about it from Carmilla's perspective, only seeing that she had gone, that she had abandoned Laura when she really needed her. She disagreed with her about many things, especially Mother, but after that night, after that conversation, she wasn't so sure if she would be able to turn her in anymore. Not after seeing the raw emotion, the true emotion. It wasn't love, she was sure of it, but there was still some lingering emotion, a tickle of attraction to the older vampire, that she hadn't been able to completely supress, that still lived on in the core of her heart. Some emotion that made her vulnerable, but she couldn't deny it. How could she deny the only thing that was truly her own?


	5. Staying

Carmilla wasn't exactly sure what she expected the situation would be when she woke up, but it certainly wasn't  _that_. A girl was sitting in a chair in the center of the room, tied up in a way that wasn't dissimilar to the way that she herself had been so many years ago- well, minus the garlic that had been involved in her imprisonment.

"What the...?" her voice trailed off as she met Laura's smug gaze over the head of the restrained girl.

"Morning, sister," Laura said, a moniker that immediately fell flat to both of them as it brought back memories of when they had been... well... less  _sister_  like. Laura struggled to maintain her control after her first attempt at 'evil uncaring' failed. "I caught you breakfast."

Carmilla looked at her suspiciously, rising from the bed and walking over that she and the shorter vampire were face to face.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, trying to ignore the elephant, well, struggling girl, in the room.

"What kind of host would I be if I didn't give you a meal for the road?" Laura asked, her face losing some of her fake cheeriness as the awkwardness of the 'morning after' like situation set in.

"So you've figured it out then?" Carmilla asked, turning her thoughts away from the hunger pangs that sprang up at the thought of a fresh meal.

"That Mother would never let you return? Yeah, let's just say that I have an idea."

"Yet you still got me a snack," Carmilla stepped closer, shortening the gap between them to just a couple feet as she provoked the other girl. "Has the naive, provincial girl really changed so little that she's still whipped enough to feed me when I'm hungry?" Carmilla smirked as she watched Laura's anger rise and rise. Such a young vampire, so easy to provoke. Still so human.

"Listen!" Laura's hands flew up into the air in embarrassed frustration, stronger emotions than she had felt in a long time. "Just drain this girl and leave, and I swear, I'll never tell Mother that you were here."

Now that they were back on familiar territory, Carmilla relaxed into the game, pushing Laura's emotions exactly where she wanted them to go. She needed this, a steady food source. She knew that she could find a way, even with Mother here, if she could just get some help.

"What if I want to stay?"

* * *

Laura almost gasped at the audacity, the sheer ridiculousness of the other girl's calmly stated question. "Stay?" she asked, anger in her voice. "Are you crazy? This is my territory, and you need to get out. Right now. Leave." She went to push Carmilla toward the door, but when her hand connected with the pale, oh so familiar, skin, her push became a pull, and suddenly they were at each other, clawing and clenching, kissing and biting, and their blood mingled from newly split lips, making both of them lose any semblance of control.

"Yes, stay," Carmilla growled insistently as she pushed Laura down onto Carmilla's own bed, the shorter girl's head wreathed by the ragged yellow artifact of their past as Carmilla nipped at her neck, creating only a tiny gash that she ran her tongue over before returning to the furious battle of wills, of lips, of bodies, and adding more blood to the fray.

"Never," Laura shot back, flipping Carmilla over so that she was the one on top, in control. "You can't just come back like this. You left. You left me; you left our life together. You lost your chance. It's time for you to leave again." Her knee pressed insistently, unconsciously between Carmilla's legs, causing the other girl to arch to meet it, both of them craving the blissful release that they knew they could give each other, even as they fought tooth and claw with their words.

Carmilla's surprise at Laura's newfound strength was evident on her face, but was quickly masked by the hunger in her gaze, perfected yet not faked. "Make me, cutie," she replied, reaching up and undoing the button on Laura's jeans, pulling them down to reveal the other girl's lacy blue underwear.

~~ optional nsfw section [here](http://perfectcosima.tumblr.com/post/101122791874/nsfw-part-of-my-fic-that-i-need-to-post-separately) ~~

"Stay," Laura repeated in a content whisper in Carmilla's ear as she drifted off to sleep.

Carmilla thought that a word had never sounded so beautiful as when that one came out of Laura's mouth, that final acceptance that she needed, that final chance, that, though it was extorted laboriously, meant that she might still have a place there, at the school, and in the heart of the girl that she loved.


	6. Relenting

Carmilla woke up before Laura, lifting her head and looking at the girl who was wrapped up in her arms.

"Hey, who's a sleepyhead now?" she teased, nudging her gently to wake her up, and laughing softly at the angry groans coming from the relatively young vampire.

"Ten more minutes," Laura groaned into the pillow, returning Carmilla's nudge more harshly.

"C'mon babe, empires to topple, mothers to-" she raised her gaze as she spoke, and was stunned speechless by the sight that awaited her. " _Shit!_ "

The exclamation woke Laura up, and she wriggled out of Carmilla's embrace, sitting up. "What is it?" she asked drowsily, the meaning of the outburst becoming clear to her when her eyes fell on the girl tied up in the middle of the room. "Oh that. Don't worry about it Carmilla, we have more pressing problems." Laura had spent more of the night awake than sleeping, a fact that she wouldn't admit to the girl beside her, not in a million years. She knew that that 'stay' was more than just a word. It was a declaration. Of weakness. Of feelings that she had refused to acknowledge. Of whose side she was truly on. Now it was time to live up to that declaration, and there was no way that some silly human girl would take precedence over them figuring out what they were going to do.

"Laura, we have to figure out what to do with her."

Laura groaned, burying her face in the pillow. "Carmilla, we have to eat someone. Why not the person who could ruin us by telling the dean you're back?"

"Laura! She's an innocent!"

"Carmilla, she's fresh meat."

_"Laura..."_

Laura gave in, looking up at the eyes that she new were waiting for her, the broody puppy dog eyes that could convince her to do anything. "Fine. We'll find something to do with her. But can I please just have a taste first?"

"Laura!"

"Kidding, kidding."

The girl had sat there quietly, eyes wide throughout their exchange, and she flinched as Laura got up and moved toward her.

"Don't even try to call out for help," Laura warned, and she waited for a nod from the girl before yanking the duct tape off of the girl's mouth, causing her to cry out softly in pain.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," the girl whispered fearfully, leaning back away from the vampires who were standing there studying her. "I swear. I won't tell anyone anything. Please just let me go."

Carmilla stared at the girl's face and sighed, looking at a girl who could ruin her entire life, but only being able to see Laura as she used to be. "Fuck. Laura, we have to let her go."

"Carmilla," Laura's voice was low, warning. "If anyone knows you're here. If anyone says your name, lets anything slip about you being back, we're dead. There's no way that Mother will ever let you live."

"Then why are you helping me?" Carmilla asked, turning to her, hoping for an answer that she knew she wouldn't receive.

"Because I can't not, Carmilla" Laura replied, her voice low, almost sad. "I could never say no to you."


	7. Comprehending

The room was fell silent, and their eyes met, the girl holding her breath in desperate hopes that they might miraculously forget about her. Hopes that were soon dissuaded as the dark haired vampire turned back to face her.

“What’s your name?”

“Carmilla…” Laura’s voice was low, warning. “It’s better to not know.”

“I have to, cupcake. I can’t go back to being like that, being like…” Carmilla’s voice trailed off, but they both knew what she was going to say, the accusation that Laura couldn’t deny, and Carmilla couldn’t accept.

“Ella,” the girl replied, breaking into the conversation.

Laura’s head fell back, and she groaned, knowing that all chances of getting a meal were now gone. Why couldn’t she have picked a treat with a normal name, like Sarah or Alison? Of course it had to be someone with a name akin to that of Carmilla’s long lost love. “We can’t just let her go. You know this,” she said, meeting Carmilla’s piteous gaze with hard eyes. “I just finished explaining to you why that would be the worst idea ever.”

“Well we have to do something.”

_“If you let me go, I won’t say anything. I swear!”_

The two vamps glanced over, the girl’s outburst surprising them.

“You can’t promise that,” Laura replied sharply. “You have no idea what we’re up against.”

“But I have things to do! I have a girlfriend! Abby will start to wonder where I am!”

“Wait, Abby?” Laura’s attention was suddenly completely focused on the girl. “Abby, leader of Summer Society?”

“Yes!” The girl looked hopeful, realizing that she had finally struck a nerve, and going with it. “Abby and I have a date tonight. If I don’t show up, she’ll know that something’s wrong.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Laura muttered to herself, starting to pace.

“Hey creampuff, what’s your deal? It’s just some Summer Society freak. We’ve dealt with them before,” Carmilla asked her question softly, keeping her voice low enough that Ella couldn’t hear them.

Laura looked up, meeting her gaze. “Let’s just say that being leader of Summer Society runs in Abby _Lawrence_ ’s blood.”

 

 


	8. Bickering

“Lawrence. As in…”

 

“Yeah,” Laura replied miserably, glancing over at the captive girl.

 

“Damn. So she like, did the whole thing? Marriage? A kid?”

 

“Kids.”

 

“Whoa.”

 

“Carm, there’s no way that we’re going to be able to keep this quiet if Danny finds out,” Laura said, filling the shocked silence. “We have a… deal. I leave her life alone, and she doesn’t tell the world. We can’t risk Silas. It’s one of the only safe places left.”

 

“Well maybe if you hadn’t just gone and kidnapped a random girl without thinking, we would be fine, cupcake.”

 

Although Laura recognized the truth in Carmilla’s words, she was still shocked by them, and she lashed out verbally in reply. “And whose fault is it that we even needed more food, Carm? Mother provides plenty of targets for me, but it’s not enough to provide for myself and my half-starved ex-girlfriend when she shows up at my door.”

 

Carmilla looked like she had been slapped. “Ex?” she echoed, drawing blood from her lip as she bit down in an attempt to mask the real pain.

 

“Is that really all you can think about?” Laura exclaimed. “The fact that I referred to us in the past tense, not the half-starved part, or the part where I say that this is all your fault?!”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, having pulled her emotions in check. “Oh please, cupcake,” she drawled. “You can’t place all the blame on me. You could have had me out that door and off campus in five seconds if you wanted. And it was your decision to go attack an innocent girl, not mine.”

 

“No innocents?” Laura scoffed. “If that’s your diet, it’s no wonder that you were starving. Anyone can seem innocent if you look hard enough.”

 

Carmilla’s face fell as she listened to Laura speak, having forgotten how much the other girl had changed in the time that they had been apart. “You really believe that, don’t you?” she asked softly, all the fight gone from her voice.

 

“Of course,” Laura replied. “Haven’t you seen my life?”

 

Ella had been listening carefully to their conversation, although few of their words meant anything to her. “Wait, do you guys like know Mrs. Lawrence or something?”

 

The two vamps exchanged guilty glances, trying to figure out how to answer the girl.

 

“Yes,” Laura replied finally. “Let’s just say we go way back. Family history. Family history that, if you happen to mention to anyone outside this room will lead me to hunting you down and murdering you without remorse.

 

“Laura!”

 

“What, it’s true!” Laura defended herself against Carmilla’s judgemental glare.

  
“Well,” Carmilla wavered, seeing her point. “You don’t have to be so blunt.”


End file.
